Back Set Back [A poem]

Oh, there you are again
That old chestnut, that niggle, that pain.
I just thought I’d do some shopping, get my haircut-
Like normal folk do, –
Of course… I forgot – That would remind me:
I’m stuck in a rut.
Even dreams and ambitions now cut…
By you.

Despite precautions, carefully planning how to manage the day;
Pacing myself to keep you at bay,
You’ve sneaked in again, uninvited, literally through the back door,
Which I left unguarded today,
Since painkillers have their flaws, and rest becomes a bore.
Today, all I wanted was to walk home from work.
The sun was shining, birds going berserk.
A gentle half hour’s stroll, not too much to ask…
But after 10 minutes you assailed me.
You sent bees to sting my lower spine;
You pressed your claws into my muscles, already tight and confined.
I defended myself with deep breathes, musical relief on my headphones.
But you struck again! Jarring joints, buckling bones;
Pelvis now misaligned;
And so I resigned,
Myself, as you rugby-tackled me onto my back, and lay on a park bench to rest,
Even though I must have looked like a tramp making a nest,
In her Sunday best.

Enough?

Oh, there you are again!
I guess I should try to makes friends;
Since you persist in hanging around, since we’re so intimate now.
Try to accept you; Not fear you but face you,
Not numb you with ice but try to embrace you.
But your unpredictability doesn’t make it easy.

When you cling to me, even small tasks make me feel frail;
Short distances appear to be of Himalayan scale;
Even the pub is an ordeal – No simple pint of ale;
For I am distracted from the conversation by your incessant WAIL!
You’re like a nagging wife, reminding me not to sit there too long;
Well I’m tired of fighting back with drugs;
I don’t feel so strong.
And then, when you’ve got me vulnerable, you chisel at my confidence;
Make it hard for me to belong.

Ah, it’s you again:
Restricting my body, grey-tainting my brain.
It’s been over 2 years now, that you’ve been haunting my life;
Like a gloomy spectre intent on turning my fun into strife.
If I so much as think of advancing in life;
Of planning new ventures or channelling energy in some fruitful direction…
You slap me hard.
You make my body feel beyond correction,
Unleashing inflammation like an incurable infection,
Immobilising me with your vertebral dissection.

Ouch!

Oh, so you’ve returned… Yet again.
What else can you take from me?
There’s nothing left to drain!

You took my career and prospects, my sources of joy, my groove –
Once-upon-a-time, I could really dance –
My travel bug, my fitness, my chance,
Of romantic bliss; Urges to bear children gone amiss;
Plus my energy, my future plans,
And
My
Freedom.

Pain, oh omnipresent pain!
I know, some people have it worse, I should not complain;
But let me keep my sanity;
I’m begging you for 2 months’ break,
I cradle my dear old brain.

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3 thoughts on “Back Set Back [A poem]

    1. Thank you Amanda. I had a look at your story and felt stunned by all you have endured. It’s fantastic that you’ve developed a heart-warming skill in drawing your icons and risen up 🙂 Take care… another poem to follow soon – I hope it will resonate with you!

      1. I look forward to another poem and thank you for visiting my blog. I appreciate the kind words, I only wish I could put my feeling into words as you do! until then…I will have to put my feelings and efforts into a different form, as I do with my graphics. I can appreciate every word you say…thanks so much for sharing with all of us 🙂

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